Wait Wait, I said maybe Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.

So does he have a hump A hump and a hairpiece Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk (They all stare, bemused.) Phoebe: Just, cause, I dont want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh Monica: Okay, everybody relax.

Time Lapse Chandler: Alright, so Im back in high school, Im standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.

All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize theres a phone.

Chandler: Thats right.

Joey: Never had that dream.

Phoebe: No. Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.

Monica: And they werent looking at you before Chandler: Finally, I figure Id better answer it, and it turns out its my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me Time Lapse, Ross has entered.

Monica: Are you okay, sweetie Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.

Chandler: Cookie Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

Joey: Ohh. Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.

Ross: Thanks. Phoebe: Ooh Oh (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) Ross: No, no dont Stop cleansing my aura No, just leave my aura alone, okay Phoebe: Fine Be murky Ross: Ill be fine, alright Really, everyone.

Ross: No I dont, to hell with her, she left me Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian.

Ross: No Okay Why does everyone keep fixating on that She didnt know, how should I know Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., Ill never have grandchildren, Ill never have grandchildren.

Can I tell you what the answer is (Ross gestures his consent.) Joey: Strip joint Cmon, youre single Have some hormones Ross: I dont want to be single, okay I just.

A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.) Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids Rachel: Oh God.

I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat.

When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet n Lo- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry And then I got really freaked out, and thats when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr.

Potato Head. Yknow, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but.

Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for.

Monica) So anyway I just didnt know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but youre the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

Scene: Monicas Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.

Monica: Now Im guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and shes really not happy about it.

Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad Decide Ross: (in a deep voice) Ill have whatever Christine is having.

Well, it matters to me (The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.) Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.

Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.

Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs (She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.) Rachel: Cmon Daddy, listen to me Its like, its like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, Youre a shoe Youre a shoe, youre a shoe, youre a shoe.

And today I just stopped and I said, What if I dont wanna be a shoe What if I wanna be a- a purse, yknow Or a- or a hat No, Im not saying I want you to buy me a hat, Im saying I am a ha- Its a metaphor, Daddy Ross: You can see where hed have trouble.

Monica: Well, I guess weve established whos staying here with Monica.

Friends Full Episodes Season 1